Doo

One of the reasons I wanted to blog again was that too often those quirks and jokes and delights that we live with every day fade away and I'm left realizing that somehow I don't remember D as 1 or 2 or 3, I know now very deeply, but I want to remember yesterday.  So this blog is for me.  I'll have the pictures, but I want to remember the subtleties.

Today I am grateful for:

1.  Two

W turned two last month and though he has been holding us hostage with his sleeping habits, he continues to be a little charmer.  When he smiles, his whole face lights up and I know he feels real, undisputed joy.  It might be from JJ's tail in his hand or because he got a strawberry, but every time it is overwhelmingly deep and true.

He is talking so much and every day he learns new words.  He says Doo (two) and Day Day(JJ) and Brober (brother).  Gee (green) and lellow.  His favorite show is Super Why (of course) and he says it Do wy.  When he is very serious, he will grab my face with both hands, still chubby baby hands, and solemnly look me in the eye and put his finger on my nose.  "Nose".  Perfect pronunciation.  He will then point out my eyes, ears, teeth and cheeks.  He thinks his bottom is called poo poo.

This morning he went into the garage and put D's bike helmet on his head.  It was backward and the strap was under his nose.  "Bite".  He's ready to be a big boy.  I'm not so ready.  So I'm grateful for today and that little light of his.  He lets it shine.


2.  The Lumineers

God it is loud.  I mean from the moment the boys are up to the time they crash, there is a constant flow of bangs, screams, and talking.  I've talked about my love of pop music, but sometimes I love folky, soft music too.   We have been listening to the Lumineers on the way to school and it's been giving me some small moments of peace.  For me, it's bathing music, calm and serene.  And since those moments are few and far between, I am grateful.

It's a headache

My little one, who is two has been waking up at 4:30 every day for a month.  I'm not exaggerating.  Most of the time he smells and he's angry.  Needless to say, me and my hubs are cranky: at each other, at the world, at little smelly.  It's been rough.

Today I am grateful for:

1. My husband

He tries.  He gets up at 4:30 every other morning, even on work days.  He works 12 hour days sometimes and comes home to a hostage situation.  I'm getting a migraine from the screaming, W is beside himself because I gave him a pretzel.  No other reason I can see, it's because of the pretzel.  Poor D is trying to play around the cacophony.  Still he tries.  He is the family hammer.  Nothing gets past him.  He was made to be a dad.  He does the hard stuff.  He cooks dinner and fantastic breakfasts.  He hangs in there.  I'm grateful I can depend on him when I need him.  He's pretty great.

2.  Sugar

I say I love wine.  And I do, I do.  But if I'm watching my weight (I'm always watching my weight,
just sometimes I watch it go the wrong way), I pick dessert over wine.  Craving chocolate is part of the whole migraine cycle, so I tell myself I can't control it, my headache needs it.  I am powerless.  I take sugar, not Splenda in my coffee.  And if we're being real, no one knows for sure fake sugar isn't completely toxic.  Like, now Diet Coke makes you fat too.  Why the hell would I drink Diet Coke if it wasn't making me skinny?  I know sugar is the enemy.  I also know those girls in the size jeans I want to wear eat less sugar than me.  But I love it.  I pick it over a buzz.

3.  Natalie

In keeping with my music theme, I have to include this song:

I remember when I got my first radio.  It was this thin boom box with a tape player in the middle.  Every night I would read my library books and listen to the top 8 at 8.  I remember praying for them to play Faith by George Michael and jumping up and down when it came on the very next song.  I remember getting Mariah Carey's Someday and playing it on repeat, which then was playing and then rewinding.  I love pop music.  I LOVE pop music with a little soul.

About two weeks ago, I was playing Natalie in the car.  D told me he didn't like it.  When I picked him up from school he requested it.  Then he wanted it again and again.  When we got home, he  pulled a chair up the the counter, popped my iPhone in our speakers and started learning the words.  Watching him discover the love, the need, the fascination with a new song took me back.  I'm a little jealous of all the great songs he will discover in the next few years, but grateful I will get to listen to them on repeat and jam with him in the kitchen.

Oh, and I'm completely aware that Natalie's lyrics are, um, not age appropriate.  I've been explaining metaphors and hyperbole to D.  Not that he gets it, but he told me he thought Natalie was wearing a red cape like Little Red Riding Hood and carrying a sack of gold coins.

So Easy

One month ago, I dropped D off at school and went into his school's parent group meeting.  Afterward, my best friend came over with her daughter for a play date.  We talked politics (we are both strong Democrats in a blindingly red state), we laughed, and gossiped.  It was a good day.  Later, she called me in tears and told me about the 20 children and six adults that were killed in Newtown, Conneticut.

Before I had children, tragedies never affected me deeply.  September 11 scared me, but I didn't feel connected to it.  It just didn't sink in.  But this time was different.  I spent a week looking at those sweet little angels' pictures, sobbing for their mothers, and trying not to imagine what their last moments were like.

Today I am grateful for my two boys.  That they are here with me.  I can only hope that when I send them to school, they come back to me.  Sometimes I am terrified of the world I brought my kids into. So today, I will read one more story, snuggle one more time, and be grateful for them.  They are my whole heart.

I will also promise not to abstain from the gun control debate.  After September 11, air travel changed. Suddenly there were metal detectors, shoe removal, and 3 oz limits on liquids to ensure air travel was safe.  Now, there must be changes to our gun laws.  An assault  weapons ban, limited magazine clips, universal background checks, mental health checks, proof of safe storage, and liability insurance are a good start.  For our children. For us.

http://onemillionmomsforguncontrol.org/

http://www.bradycampaign.org/

http://newtownmemorialfund.org/

Like I Love You

Today I am grateful for

1.  I love you

W said "Love you, Mama" last night for the first time.  He's been sick since New Year's and has been waking us up all night every night, be he knows where his bread is buttered.  Last night, when I put him to bed he hugged me and I heard "la lou, Mama".  Made my day.  I wasn't quite so mad at him this morning at 5:00.

2.  Justin Timberlake

He announced today that he's releasing a new album, of actual songs!  I love the NSYNC, Britney, SNL, Jimmy Fallon performing Justin Timberlake.  Like, LOVE.  So it's been making me sad that he's been so annoying lately. I had to tell my husband to stop referring to JT as my boyfriend.  And when I stop loving you, JT, you've gone asunder.  But all of that might, just might be swept under the rug.  New Jams!!!!!  (I'm going to pretend I didn't see that pretentious video)

Why Grateful?

I know, I know, I sound like one of those annoying Facebook people:  "So Blessed!" ;  "Living The Dream"; "YOLO".  Those people make me want to gag.  So why am I becoming one of them?

Because I have everything I want.  Two adorable, squiggly, healthy, precious boys, a sweet, handsome husband, and the job I've always wanted: stay at home mom.  And instead of spending one more day shopping online, checking Facebook, and feeling frustrated that I'm constantly tired and have 10-20 (depending on the day) extra pounds, I have resolved to write about the things that lift me up.  Be prepared, Beyonce will be featured heavily.  Just want you to know now.


Today I am grateful for 

1.  Holding Hands

This morning D got into bed with me and scooted close to me and took my hand.  It occurred to me that in a few years, he won't do that.  I will probably get more sleep but the kisses, the cuddles, the-head-on-mommy's-shoulder, the absolute sweet soft littleness will be gone.  So I'm grateful for it today.

2.  Freakum Dress

I have this on my workout mix (of course).  Today it gave me my motivation.  Get in your Freakum Dress, get a Freakum Dress, look hot, make your man appreciate your hotness.  Got it, Bey, got it.