See this is why I'm bad at blogging. My big kid goes to school all day but my little is at home. He goes to the gym daycare and naps for 1 1/2 to 2 hours a day, but otherwise he and I are a package deal. He's mostly a great companion. Sweet, funny, and curious, he has a sunny disposition. But when he's off, I'm off and my little baby has hit the terrible twos with gusto. There are more rolling, screaming fits and I haven't gotten up this early every morning since he was 9 months old.
So, we are a bit fuzzy, and I have to choose: blog or rest, blog or shower, shower or Facebook, keep in touch or read a book. And I'm not that great at time management. I'm always, always tired and as of my diagnosis last June, I am the proud owner of a migraine condition. Last week I had one for four days, five if you count the pre-headache day where I can't find words when I need them and feel foggy all day.
I wish I could somehow let the universe know that I don't have TIME for a headache (that has more to do with light and sound than aches) that lasts four days. And why now? Why the only time I do not have the luxury of no sound do I need it so badly? But these are first world problems. And this blog is about gracefulness, not complaining. I'm not disabled, I don't have a serious illness, and everyone I love is healthy. I am LUCKY. I have everything. I have two little boys who hug and love and kiss on me all day long. I am grateful.
Today I am grateful for:
1. Texas winters
This is our first Texas winter. Last week it was 75 two days in a row. In February. It snowed three feet in New England and they had to suspend all rescues and aid until the police and fire trucks were dug out of the snow. Yes, I am grateful for this winter. Finally we don't have a gray month, or at least if we do, the grass and trees are still green.
2. Huffpost Parents
Every day I get two or three parenting articles on my newsfeed that are insightful, funny, and always highlight the real experiences of parenting. Becoming a mom has been, hands down, the most transformative experience I've had. It's changed my inner self, my friendships, my life plan, and my tolerance levels. And other parents get this. I can describe it to you, but you won't get it. I didn't. And sometimes I need to know that this experience is as profound and messy and exhausting to other people as it is to me. Thank you Huffpost Parents.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/parents/
3. Perspective
They say time heals all wounds. I'm sure that is mostly true. A year ago, we were living in Kansas. My kids were 3 and 1 and my husband traveled four days a week. I struggled. My anxious mind soared in the evenings without my husband. I checked doors, I imagined intruders, I was helpless. I was lonely because I didn't have a good support system and I was so tired. Mostly it makes me sad to think of last year because I think about how much less I had to give my kids. I am so much better this year. Just knowing my husband is coming home at the end of the day, that he will be in our house at night and that the day will not end with me, alone gives me the base I need.
It was hard leaving home, but I'm happier here. It took awhile to get settled, to get that sense that I could finally breathe, but it has made all the difference. My big kid has transformed. He's sensitive, like me, and I think he knows I'm better and because I'm better he can relax too. He is such a joy and his heart is so big. I'd do all of this again if the only benefit was his and I was still miserable.
I am so grateful that this was an option and that it worked. All I have to do is look at my big kid to know we made the best decision for our family. That perspective helps me, and I know that we are lucky.
